Finding Balance in an Unbalanced World
In this high pressure and multi-faceted world the concept of balance in daily life appears to be unattainable. We are pulled in so many competing directions that at the end of the day we may have only survived the day. We are consumed by life demands at this point and not aware of our priorities in life. Focusing on our top three priorities and creating a wise plan for success in life can assist us in finding balance in this unbalanced world.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is an effective and highly researched therapy model developed by Marsha Linehan. In this model, dialectics are about holding in balance those things that appear to be in direct competition with each other, contradictory, or in conflict (Moonshine, Volume I, 2007). This term comes from philosophy and illustrates that there is a kernel of truth in each perspective of a situation and therefore probably more than one right answer. Being dialectical is seeing life as black, white, and many varying shades of gray. It is about replacing the words either/or with and, realizing there is truth in both sides of the spectrum. Balance is about moving away from the extreme ends of the spectrum and blending them to find the middle.
Mindfulness is one DBT skill that focuses on balancing emotions, thoughts, behaviors, and relationships in the present as well as balancing the present with the past and the future. Mindfulness is about voluntarily paying attention to the current moment in a nonjudgmental fashion. In this mindset, we can focus on the issue at hand and prioritize a solution that focuses on the problem and finding the balance we are so deserving of in life.
DBT uses many key phrases and acronyms to assist us in following the main message delivered by each of the treatment skills. The Wise Mind is a mindfulness skill that combines the wisdom of emotions (right brain) with cool logic (left brain) (Linehan, 1993). Science has determined that we have two sides to our brain that are very different in their functioning and how information is processed in the brain. The Wise Mind skill acknowledges that there are three States of Mind (Reasonable Mind, Wise Mind, and Emotional Mind).
In the Reasonable Mind, data, information, and logic are the focus of the left side of the brain. It is all about the facts! Just the facts! In the Reasonable Mind, behaviors and thoughts are dominated by reason and emotions are ignored. The person may appear to others as calm, rational, or logical. Rationalization is often used to numb out emotions. Society often sees the Reasonable Mind as “good”.
In the Emotional Mind, emotions and feelings are the focus of the right side of the brain. Feelings run the show! In the Emotional Mind, behaviors and thoughts are dominated by emotions that are often intense and overwhelming. It is hard to think clearly. Society often sees the Emotional Mind as “bad”.
The Wise Mind focuses on combining the two sides of the brain (Reasonable and Emotional Mind) and recognizing the inherent value of experiencing emotions and combining them with cool logic. The goal is to not change who you are (ex. engineer/logical and data driven) but embrace that you can benefit from both the Emotional and Reasonable Mind. It is about having emotions, validating them, but still being able to think clearly and make balanced decisions. It is about finding balance in life. Often times in the wise mind a person will feel centered or “at peace”.
The Wise Mind can be a challenging skill to use in daily life as we are dealing with a multitude of competing and conflicting demands. Pain and trauma can flood us with emotions and pull us toward the Emotional Mind. As we attempt to protect ourselves, we may try to escape or numb our intense and unpleasant emotions by moving toward the Reasonable Mind. This starts the seesawing between feelings and facts, making it harder and harder to stay balanced. Using the Wise Mind in DBT assists us in staying balanced in the center of the seesaw and honoring both the Emotional and Reasonable Mind. It is important to recognize the signals that indicate your state of mind. Signals can be a physical sensation, urge, thought, image or behavior. As we use the Wise Mind, it is important to allow both the feelings and facts to come forward and then evaluate the situation and make a choice that matches with the priorities in your life.
As we are using the Wise Mind, it is important to be aware of our emotional battery and how we are going about living our life. Remember to be aware of the facts and your feelings when you are making even small decisions each day. Start to exercise your whole brain and realize although you make feel like you can handle one more thing maybe the facts say that is just not possible at this time. Maybe you should just take 5 minutes for yourself and live in the present moment and consider putting play back in your day (Brantley, Millstine 2006, 2005).
BE WISE
Wise Mind
Insist on Living Your Priorities
Say No!
Enjoy Play Each Day
Ellen Kiesewetter, MA, LCPC
Finding Balance in an Unbalanced World
← The slide presentation delivered at a recent Women's Lifestyle Show in Peoria is available here in pdf format.