Main Character Energy: A Valentine’s Day Reset
February 14th….Valentine’s Day. A day that has become synonymous with romance, roses, and expressions of love. Also a day that can feel like you are either “in the club,” validating that you are attractive, worthy, and desirable, or….not. It’s a day when we seem to feel uniquely driven to not be alone. To not find ourselves on the outside of the circle. And for many who have found themselves there, you may feel like you have some choice words for where Cupid can put that bow. However, whether the day brings cynicism (“It’s a commercial holiday created to sell candy and chocolate”), anxiety or overwhelm due to past trauma or abuse, or sadness due to grief or loneliness, I want to encourage you that we can bring even this day into balance.
Long before Valentine’s Day became synonymous with roses and reservations, St. Valentine was remembered as a third-century Roman priest who lived—and died—for something far deeper than romance. During the reign of Emperor Claudius II, he was martyred for refusing to renounce his Christian faith and, according to longstanding tradition, for quietly witnessing marriages and encouraging believers at a time of persecution. There are no verified quotes or viral-worthy soundbites from him, yet his life reads like a bold headline—love is not merely a feeling; it is a decision rooted in something eternal. If we peel back the glitter and greeting cards, the original Valentine’s message feels surprisingly countercultural: authentic love begins with God, flows from His deep and abiding love for us, and is lived out through the courageous gift of self. In other words, Valentine’s Day starts with loving God and celebrating his love for us by giving to ourselves and those around us.
I know, I know. All of that sounds great, but it doesn’t mean you’re not feeling what you’re feeling. And it’s true that Valentine’s Day can feel very loud when you’re alone—but solitude does not have to equal despair. If the heart of the day is love that is freely given and rooted in something deeper than performance, then it becomes an opportunity to practice that love toward yourself in grounded, meaningful ways. And with that mindset, here are some ways you might do that:
1. Reclaim the Narrative
Instead of framing the day as “missing out,” intentionally redefine it as a day of alignment. Ask yourself: What does love look like in my life right now? Consider where you’ve grown, what you’ve survived, and the ways you’ve shown up faithfully. Self-respect is a form of love.
2. Be Mindful of How You Curate Your Day
Build in a few intentional hours that feel restorative—good coffee or tea, a long walk, music that moves you, a bath, a favorite book. Turn off notifications. Stay off social media. Create space that says, I am worth time and care and I can be comfortable on my own.
3. Practice the Gift of Self (Inwardly)
Lean into things that you enjoy. Pick out or cook a meal that has meaning to you and be conscious as you eat that you are caring for yourself. Put on music that you enjoy and let yourself enjoy it fully (we won’t judge it if you dance or sing). Be extra and do that self-care ritual that you usually either forget about or shrug off because you’re too tired. In other words, give yourself the gift of kindness!
4. Receive Love from God
If faith is part of your life, spend time reflecting on being deeply known and loved by God—without having to earn it. Read Scripture, sit in silence, attend Mass or a service, or simply talk honestly in prayer. Let the day remind you that you are already chosen.
5. Express Love Outwardly
Paradoxically, one of the most powerful ways to experience love is to give it. Send a funny meme to friends or loved ones you know might also be feeling alone today. Visit or call a loved one who is homebound or in a nursing home or assisted living. When love moves outward, loneliness often softens.
6. Honor Your Season
Every season of life has texture and purpose. Instead of rushing to “fix” being on your own right now, consider what this time uniquely allows—flexibility, self-discovery, uninterrupted growth. There is dignity in this chapter too.
Being alone on Valentine’s Day does not mean you are unloved. While we will never fault you for that snarky meme you may have laughed at while you were in your feelings about the day, finding yourself on your own may simply mean this year the invitation is quieter: to remember to remember that love is not merely something you wait to receive—but something you carry, something you live, and something that was never about the hype in the first place, because it has been within you all along.
